Dane Cook

Let's talk a little bit about L-O-V-E.
Sometimes, you meet somebody and you have what is known as a
"relationship" and things can go great and if it goes great,
then you have a great relationship.
Sometimes, it doesnt go so great, and I like to call that a "relationshit".
When you're not in love, you don't have love,
everybody you know falls in love.
On like, the same day.
Even Karen the Douchebag falls in love.
Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting
married on their front lawn.
As you drive by - "What? The 'Tards just got married on their lawn.
That's great. I have nobody, and the 'Tards just committed to each
other for a lifetime of tardiness."
Or is that, they're late for everything. I don't know, could be.
I came up with the perfect analogy, right here.
This is what it feels like when you don't have love,
it's like there's a party going on and everyone was invited,
except for you. And you just happen to be walking by that house,
in the rain ...
"Ohh. I wasn't invited to this party."
That's what that feels like. But then again, once you're in love,
you know what that's like?
That's like being inside the party going,
"Where's my jacket? I wanna get out of here. Where's my jacket?
I've been at this party for six years and I wanna see other parties.
Where's my jacket? Someone shit on the coats!
I think someone shit on, about, or around the coats."
"What?"