Aesthetic Perfection

searching for something
walking endlessly
for what seemed like days
and if you wait for me
ill wait for you
grasping to hold on to what i cant see
it is coming back
it seems that ive forgotten the way to continue on
this broken down road
push carry on
i wont pretend
that this is my life
hollow words make paranoid people back down
this is not this is not this is not control
i thought that i had control
i thought i could keep control
i thought i would want control
i thought id never lose control
theres no reason for this
just please forgive me
hoping for something
passing time with an endless trail of smoke
throat burns
choke on cigarettes
ashes fall and scatter
that old familiar blue glow
red eyes gaze
this is not this is not this is not control