Weird Al Yankovic

Well, I heard that you're leavin',
Gonna leave me far behind,
'Cause you found a brand new lover,
You decided that I'm not your kind,
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex,
And I tore all your pictures in two,
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you.
That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'.
I'm glad that you found somebody new,
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you.
I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feelin' down in the dumps.
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love
And I have to use the self-service pumps!
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't gonna break my heart in two.
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred
Thousand paper cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you.
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork,
Than watch you going out with other men.
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again and again and again and again and again.
Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'.
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches,
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two.
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you.
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks,
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool
Filled with double-edged razor blades,
Than spend one more minute with you.
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it till I die
Than spend one more minute with you.