La Dispute

I felt your sickness brush against my arm as I walked by you -
Heard your voice but couldn't tell that it was you
And, slowly, watched your sickness slip away into a place
That I'd once feared but I was not afraid this time
So I gave chase and found it, finally, slowly feeding from your head
And from my friends, and from my family, so I grabbed it by the neck
"For every lover you have ruined..." I dug my nails into its flesh
"...and every life that you have taken..."
Slammed its head against the brick
Its blood poured out onto the pavement
I stirred it in with dirt and spit
"I will take a part of you."
I made mortar from the mix
Tore every organ from its body
Broke its bone and fashioned bricks
I laid the mortar in between
I made a throne for hope to sit
"Too long you've torn us into pieces
Firmly held onto our wrists. Today I bury you in me."
I swallowed every inch of it
I'll hold you, as you have held me -
You've held me in your heart, we'll be set free from fear
We've felt our failures
We've watched our passions leave, but we're still breathing on
I'll hold you, as you have held me
You've held me in your heart
(And I will hold you in my heart)
But I still see him dead in the parking lot at the gas station just down the street
And I still hear my friend say
"You know, you wouldn't believe the things I saw when I was stationed overseas."
But he somehow keeps smiling in spite all of that
While I keep finding ways to push the good out for the bad
Oh, how selfish of myself to always say that it was more than I could take
Like it was pain I could not shake
Like it could break me with its fingers, throw my body in the lake
And I would slowly sink away
But the Truth is it was sorrow that I made and would not face
See, I keep falling for the future after tripping on the past
And I am always tearing sutures out to make the anguish last like it defines me
Or reminds me I've found comfort in my suffering
And uncertainty in happiness and death
Because what's next is such a mystery to me
I am terrified of all the things I feel but cannot see