La Dispute

You still cross my mind from time to time. And I mostly smile.
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why.
So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen,
Trying to figure out what my head thinks, but
My head just ain’t what it used to be.
And then again,
What’s the point anyway?
I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the
Balcony to see if you could see me—
Hidden quietly away. And
I remember the skin of your fingers,
The spot three quarters up I’d always touch when
I was out of things to say.
You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak
You were too afraid to speak and I could never understand.
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear, that
Not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand.
And I remember how you smiled through the smoke
In a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes.
And I remember the way that you dressed and,
How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat and
I remember when I knew that you’d be leaving,
How I barely kept up breathing and I bet,
If I had to do it all again, I’d feel the same pain.
And I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears.
How I wept to god in fits.
I’ve hated airports ever since.