Frank Zappa

Artist: Frank Zappa
Title: Dance contest
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FZ:
"One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this
particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you
say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really
like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta figure out something
that I can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight?
Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let's see...Awright, I'll
tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to
be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay..."
BUTCH:
"You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe
Humm.'"
FZ:
"All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey - what's your
name?"
BUTCH:
"Butch."
FZ:
"Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with
Butch. What's your name?"
LENA:
"Lena."
FZ:
"What?"
LENA:
"Lena."
FZ:
"Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh.
Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the
teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a
minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you
like to come up here? ...Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself?
You, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...Okay, what's your name?"
GUY:
"Tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you
(mumble, mmf, etc.)."
GUY:
"Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."
FZ:
"Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."
GUY:
"(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!"
OTHER GUY:
"Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf."
FZ:
"Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to
deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and
you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' -
there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out.
Now..."
GUY (BUTCH?):
"Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"
FZ:
"Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your
girlfriend."
GIRL:
"Hey Zap!"
FZ:
"Good to see you again."
GIRL:
"Squeak!"
FZ:
"I know."
GUY:
"I ain't no fucking queer."
FZ:
"All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This -
they'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."
GUY:
"I'm not a fucking queer."
FZ:
"This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he's not a queer.
He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now... You are going to dance,
like you've never danced before..."